Fern fiddlehead unfurling

Life update: what now?

“I’m not writing, but I’m still going to keep up with my blogging,” I said in my last update. And here we are *cough* four week later…

So what happened?

Part of my block may be chemical: three and a half weeks ago I started reducing Effexor, the anxiety medication I’m on, so that I can have a second go at medicating for ADHD (Effexor and stimulant medications do not play well).

The last time I tried this, the comedown off Effexor was so bad I had to give up. This time I have a new psych and a new plan, which starts with stepping down much slower than last time; the effects so far have been barely noticeable, but I can’t discount that it may be affecting my desire/ability to sit down and write.

Still, for the most part the last four weeks have gone well for me – especially when it comes to creativity.

I haven’t written a word of fiction; in its place, I’ve finally restarted the Nobilis roleplaying game I was co-running with my beloved before we moved to NZ; I’ve started exploring running a second game which would cast the players as superheroes in a Metropolis-equivalent in the middle of Black Lives Matters protests, with all the moral and societal questions that come with; I’ve been knitting and sewing up a storm; and I’ve taken a hard left-turn and started teaching myself to make pixel art.

The pressure is off; I’m feeling a freedom to create that I can’t even remember feeling before. It’s all reinforcing my confidence in my decision to set writing aside.

But I’m less sure about how I want to approach this blog now.

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The world turned upside-down

Well, this is the first week since the start of the year that I haven’t managed to get a blog post up (unless you count this). That’s not bad at all, for me.

I have a post already 80% written, and have done this entire week. But this week has been a ride – I’m sure it has for you as well.

It’s taken a good long while for the impacts of the coronavirus pandemic to be felt in New Zealand, but it’s finally gotten there. Over the course of the last week we’ve transitioned from “Damn, we’ll probably have to cancel our planned road trip to Christchurch” to “I guess tomorrow I find out whether I still have a job.” Right now, every day, every hour is an uncertainty.

Bearing that in mind, my intention is to keep on posting here. It gives me something to think about other than the nerve-wracking knowns and terrifying unknowns. Hopefully it also gives you something to read about that isn’t those things. We all need a break from the end of the world from time to time.

So stay tuned – fingers crossed I’ll see you next week.

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A distant thunderstorm looming over a quiet ocean

New Year’s thoughts 2020

It’s that time of year when people are taking stock – of the year (and decade) that has been, and of their goals for the year (and decade) to come.

I am singularly bad at both of these.

It’s hard enough for my butterfly brain to retain enough detail and sense of time for me to confidently tell you what I did yesterday, let alone in the last year. And I’ve come to mistrust personal goals, because when I’m excited by a shiny new hobby or technique I set myself dozens of them and then achieve few to none as my interest wanes or moves on.

Often I let the turning of the new year go by without even trying. But this year, for whatever reason, it feels important. So here goes: three significant events from 2019, and three aspirations for 2020.

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A tiny figure standing alone in a canyon at night, surrounded by towering cliffs, under the nothern lights.

Still here

*cough* You may have noticed there was no blog post last week. There almost wasn’t one this week either, because when I’ve “failed” at something (and so often it’s something like this, a self-imposed goal – weekly updates – that’s being judged by no one but myself) the hardest thing in the world is to return to it.

Maybe if you just never start writing again, no one will notice you’ve stopped, whisper the weasels.

Continue reading “Still here”

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Empty furniture and full moving boxes

No blog post this week, I’m afraid. Yesterday and today saw us moving our entire lives and ourselves out of our home of 8 years, the culmination of a hectic month of packing; I fully intended to keep blogging throughout, but my backlog has run dry.

Thankfully that ordeal is over now – I’ll be back with something more interesting (probably involving snails) next week.

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New year’s reflections 2018-19

And I’m back!

I hope your Christmas season (if you celebrate) was a happy one or, if your circumstances mean that’s a hard ask, a resilient one.

Christmas for me is bittersweet, for reasons I might write about some other time, but the new year is a good time to stop and reflect on where the old year has taken me. I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions – I’m always working towards goals and trying out new strategies for achieving them, regardless of the time of year – so here instead are my new year’s reflections:

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