A tiny figure standing alone in a canyon at night, surrounded by towering cliffs, under the nothern lights.

Still here

*cough* You may have noticed there was no blog post last week. There almost wasn’t one this week either, because when I’ve “failed” at something (and so often it’s something like this, a self-imposed goal – weekly updates – that’s being judged by no one but myself) the hardest thing in the world is to return to it.

Maybe if you just never start writing again, no one will notice you’ve stopped, whisper the weasels.

Where’ve you been?

Long story short, it’s been an intense and disorienting start to the year. I haven’t wanted to talk about it here, because this is my author website, right? I might use it to write about some very personal topics, but I’ve always tried to maintain a certain level of professionalism in the content I present here. This isn’t my personal whinge-space.

But hey, life does what it does. In this case, I managed to maintain my update schedule throughout a month of short-notice packing Ben’s and my entire lives into boxes (he was working interstate for most of that month, so I took on the majority of the task), a three-week overseas trip, the hunt for a new rental upon our return, and then moving out of Ben’s mum’s spare room and into our new home.

And then it hit mid-March, and we were settled in enough for me to start thinking about the other projects and commitments I’d been putting off through all that, and oh yeah, I’m helping to organise a convention and release a failed KS project, and knitting baby clothes on a deadline, and trying to put together a costume, and seeking a new mental health diagnosis, and by the way we’re still surrounded by boxes and short on furniture…

Still, I made it through to April before the crash came.

It was, as it often is with me, a very subtle crash. I didn’t get sick. I didn’t miss a day of work. I just stopped wanting to talk to anybody or do anything at all. And that included writing of any kind.

Moving forward

Two weeks later, I’m doing much better already – I’ve ticked off a few big items on my really need to get this done list, and I’ve found my way back to feeling positive about and interested in the tasks on my plate, instead of simply overwhelmed by them.

That recovery has been aided in no small part by giving myself explicit permission to be OK with missing a week’s update. I love that people seem to get something out of reading my words, but I don’t want to let that turn into a responsibility that weighs down on me. It’s just a blog. It’s not the end of the world if it goes quiet sometimes.

So anyway, I’m back, and I fully intend for next week’s post to be about something actually interesting like how weird it is to remember that everyone around me experiences this sexual attraction thing and I have no idea what that feels like.

But fair warning: over the next couple of months, as things intensify in the lead-up to Continuum, I may miss the occasional update. I intend to be OK with that – I hope you will be too.

Photo by Jonatan Pie on Unsplash
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