Something I’ve become really aware of, as an asexual person in Western culture, is the weird way that sex is both hyper-visible and constantly hidden away.
I’m hardly the first to comment on this unhealthy dichotomy in our society. But it takes on a different (though equally damaging) significance from the point of view of someone who’s completely uninterested in sexytimes.
Continue reading “Sex is everywhere, sex is nowhere; observations from an ace perspective”
This isn’t the blog post I thought I was going to write today.
I have a whole thing started about asexuality and the simultaneous prevalence and absence of sex in Western society that I though I was going to finish. But when I woke up this morning, I knew it was going to be one of those days: my gut hurt (something bad I ate yesterday? Or just my old friend, referred stress?), and I had a long list of things I needed to get done hanging Damocles-style over my head.
I didn’t even want to get out of bed, let alone write something pithy and thought-provoking about how our society treats sex.
Continue reading “How to get things done when you’re struggling: start with the easy parts”
And I’m back!
I hope your Christmas season (if you celebrate) was a happy one or, if your circumstances mean that’s a hard ask, a resilient one.
Christmas for me is bittersweet, for reasons I might write about some other time, but the new year is a good time to stop and reflect on where the old year has taken me. I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions – I’m always working towards goals and trying out new strategies for achieving them, regardless of the time of year – so here instead are my new year’s reflections:
Continue reading “New year’s reflections 2018-19”
A quick note before I start: Folks, for a number of reasons December is always the busiest and hardest of months for me. So in the name of self-care – and, hopefully, of finishing another story before Christmas – I will be taking a break from blogging until the new year (barring any writing-related announcements). It’s been great to have you with me for website year one; I hope the end of the year is kind to you, and I’ll see you in January.
CW: suicidal thoughts
Yesterday I had a conversation that broke my heart.
I was asked to have a chat with an eighteen-year-old first-year university student whose doctor had prescribed antidepressants, but who was hesitant to take them. I’m not a doctor, nor a mental health practitioner, but I did my best as a user of antidepressants to answer questions about my own experience and based on that experience, to give advice that would help them understand the positives and negatives of the medication when making their decision.
Continue reading “Mental illness: stigma and silence”
One of the questions that comes up in writerly circles is: are you a planner or a pantser?
Planners like to know exactly where their story is going before they begin. They’re the writers who create outlines, spreadsheets, scene planners, character maps, etc ad infinitum.J. K. Rowling? Definitely a planner. J.R.R. Tolkein, with his volumes of world history and mythology, his carefully crafted languages, was possibly the ultimate planner.
Pantsers prefer to just sit down and go, and let the story fall as it may – in other words, they write by the seat of their pants.
There’s a lot more appeal, to me, in being a planner. Planners have plans. They know what they’re doing. If they get stuck, they can just look at their plan and figure out where they need to go next – or, if that’s not enough, they can do some more planning. Right?
Continue reading “Figuring it out as I go: on pantsing with anxiety”
I’m pleased to report that I’m continuing to write almost daily, though the amount I get through before it becomes a battle to remain focused is still much less than it was earlier this year, when writing was an established part of my daily routine.
There are some skills, like cycling, that I can put down and pick up again as if I’d never spent a day out of the saddle; others, like knitting, require a conscious retraining of my mind and my muscles if it’s been too long since I last picked up the needles. Writing as a practice – sitting down to do it every day, without procrastination, and, having sat down, being able to keep my fingers moving even when I’m not feeling particularly inspired – is a skill it’s all to easy for me to lose.
After four months of writing not very much at all (a combination of going on holiday, coming back and looking for work, and then dealing with starting a new job), it’s taking a lot of conscious work to get back to place where writing is something I just sit down and do, not something that requires me to wrestle myself into the chair.
Experience tells me that the key here is practice – just keeping going until I build the habit again. But since I can’t just fast forward to the point where habit is enough, here are some tricks I’m using in the meantime to help me sneak past the desire to procrastinate:
Continue reading “Stop procrastinating, start writing”
Just a short* post from me today, for the best of reasons – I’m busy writing! I’ve found an anthology to get excited over, which is always a great way to spark ideas – I get a lot of my inspiration from having a topic to brainstorm around. In this case, delightfully, it’s queer werewolves.
Here’s a historical titbit I’ve learned while researching my submission:
Continue reading “This week I learned: the werewolf trials of early modern Europe”
Earlier this month, I resigned as Senior Ranger and departed the organisation and the field in which I’ve worked for the last decade of my life. “Park ranger” is no longer a key part of my identity. I’ll have to update my profile here – and elsewhere – once I can actually figure out what my identity looks like now.
I’ve started work at a customer service call centre, on casual hours. I’ll have the chance to move to part-time – and a more stable routine – once I’ve been there a few months.
The complete rejiggering of my life has been greeted by friends, family, and workmates with all kinds of supportiveness, and for the most part I’m really appreciating it. But I want to talk about one particular sentiment that’s been cropping up a lot in certain people’s words of support:
You’ll have so much time now to focus on your writing.
It’s great that you’re taking the next step on your writing journey.
Congratulations – I can’t wait to see your name on the cover of a book!
Here’s the thing, though: since handing in my resignation – blog posts aside – I’ve barely written a word of fiction.
Continue reading “Rejecting success”
Words have failed me – never a good sign in a writer.
I have just listened to the audio of my story The Miller’s Daughter, as narrated for Remastered Words by the talented Diana Croft, and I’m in awe, plain and simple, over her ability to make words I thought I already knew delight me, surprise me, and even move me to tears. What is this strange magic?
The audio is now available online, along with an author interview in which I ramble on about inspiration, self-doubt, and fairytales, and apologise to no less than two different authors. The interview is there to stay, but the audio is only online for a limited time, after which if you want to listen you will have to purchase the 2018 audio anthology when it becomes available.
So what are you still doing here? Go have a listen!